Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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