So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
