I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
