His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
