I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize