Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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