who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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