I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
