3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he thought i was a dude.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
