just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
