Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
