you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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