the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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