She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
