I heard we made out
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
