I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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