he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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