We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
