I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
