ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
