I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
