it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
