WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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