I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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