So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
