using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish I only lived at night.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
