You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
