I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
