I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
