Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
