marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
