we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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