PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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