Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
