Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
