so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
