Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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