he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
