I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
