she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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