I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
