If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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