I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
