A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
