I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
