i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
