As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
