don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
