Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
