If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
