Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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