Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
