3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
