she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
