if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
