It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want to be your penis for a week.
Still dying that you shit outside
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
