made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
