he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
