why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
