So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize