I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
