Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
