Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
