dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
