Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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