I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
