so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
