oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
