We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
