A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
